Benvenuto al mio Attraverso (Welcome to my Thru): An Introduction to the Blog.

7 months of living below the Mason Dixie line has created a slow but very noticeable metamorphosis of my life. My move from Maine to North Carolina has not only opened my eyes to some issues that I used to sweep under the rug, but forced me to address them and work on being a stronger person because of them. 

Welcome to my new blog, appropriately titled- The Only Way Out is Thru. It's a slight reference to the Appalachian trail for a couple of reasons. 1) I feel that my sole purpose in this life is make the hike from GA-ME in one swift trek (thru hiking). 2) Hiking the AT is symbolic of living. Life is hard, with lots of ups, downs, unexpected turn arounds, and also moments when you feel like giving up and getting off the trail. With that said, there are also points along the trail that are breath taking and remind you of why you're doing it in the first place. It has views so stunning and noteworthy, you can't help but feel so alive and at peace when looking. There are milestones along the trail that you have been fighting to get to for so long; you counted down days and hours to get to a certain point and once you made it, the feeling of achievement out weighs any previous failure. The point of this is to demonstrate and relate for myself just that. I am living. I am going through this experience and finding many ups and downs. At times there are moments of delicious joy, but also times when I want to give up and get off the trail altogether.  

My move to North Carolina has made me realize that I have an illness that many of us in this world face. It's an illness that has been there for a long time, always unpredictable, and always lingering. One time it struck so hard that I didn't get out of bed for a two days. This illness I'm describing is depression. You can't see it, you sometimes can't diagnose what caused it, but you can feel it and it hurts. I knew I had it for the longest time but never felt comfortable confronting it and admit that I was depressed. I thought that people with depression were always sad and I wasn't so therefore  I thought I was exempt. Recently, I opened up about how I was feeling to my family and my boyfriend. I started to feel more comfortable talking about my emotions and that's when it hit me. All the signs were there, everything that I was describing painted the picture too accurately for it not to be true. I'm depressed. 

Opening up about this has makes me feel optimistic and gives me some comfort. I compartmentalize it as a plan or a homework problem. Step one: identify the problem. Step two, embrace that it is a problem and don't feel bad about it. Step three: identify ways that help make the problem less of a problem. Step 4: continue and repeat. Sure, depression isn't that easy but now I feel like I have a road map or some goals. Opening up about depressed has opened my eyes to what I need to do for myself. I don't have all the answers and I'm not all that close to finding solutions. But I do know that I'm stepping in the right direction. The AT is long with varied terrain, but the only way to get to Mt. Katahdin is to just keep treking and embrace everything along the way. That's what I plan to do with my life, keep treking and embrace everything along the way. This blog will be my hiking partner, my resource for reassurance when I need it. A coping mechanism, if you will, to keep me on the trail when times it feels like all I want to do is bow out. Welcome to my thru hike, we've got a long way to go!