The Only Way Out is Thru

I want to paint. I want to lift heavy weights.  I want to play drums. I want smoke weed. I want more tattoos. I want to leave the Y and never go back. I want stand on top of a mountain and not see a city staring back at me. I want to completely abandon the life I'm living because it's robbing me of joy, of adventure, and excitement.  "I wanted movement and not a calm course of existence. I wanted excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love."-Leo Tolstoy

Pushing through an 11 and a half hour day, I'm sitting in my office for the first time since 8:30am. Between meetings, CPR trainings, and more meetings, I'm exhausted from so much sitting and listening. Recently, my sister told me she and her husband are moving to a town called Lumberton, about 2 hours south of Chapel Hill. She sent me and my other two sisters a picture of the house they just purchased and its gorgeous. Huge yard, nice porch, plenty of rooms, and an in ground pool. Close to her husband's job so that he no longer has to have an extravagant commute 4 days a week and it's an hour from the beach. Perfect for them as a family with a one month old baby and plans to have another in a couple of years. While my other sisters are gushing over the news and sending their congrats, I couldn't help but get upset. I'll start with my initial reaction and then move on to the deeper reason. As I've stated in previous posts, and the reason for this whole bl...

I have not been doing a very good job of keeping up with my blog, which I suppose is a good thing because life has been busy! Scratch that, WORK has been busy. I knew this would happen when I went back to working for the Y as a full time director, and I have to constantly remind myself to not let my life get swallowed up by work again.  I am feeling inspired today; I don't know if its November or just the fact that it's the start of a new month, but I have 30 days before me and I want to make the most of them. As I approach 30 (okay, I still have 2 years to go but bear with me) I have a plan for myself. I want to really work on my mind, body, and spirit. I am making a solid effort to go back to school so that I can apply to physical therapy school. I have some work ahead of me but I want this bad enough that I am going to make it happen. Also, I am going to lose this stupid weight and work on feeling good in my own skin. I have a new workout plan laid out, my diet on track, ...

Views of the great smokies; pictures from an iPhone never do a good view justice.   It has been a few weeks since my last post, and rather than dive into talking about my new job I want to write about the mountains. I had this idea in my head that this would be an epic post with lots of metaphors and connection of mountain life to reality, but I think I will keep it simple and just write about my feelings. I was inspired to blog this morning after a quick morning yoga practice on my balcony. The weather was cool, and the wind blew causing a calming sound of trees rustling and leaves falling. The sound reminded me of the quick backpacking trip Stephen and I took in the smokies last weekend. Nothing compares to the sound of mountain air. You haven't experienced true peace, until you wake up to a sunrise in the mountains. The air is crisp, the sky is a constant display of changing colors, and you can hear the wind so clearly. It's not loud, it's a different level of silenc...

"It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of a ride, everything everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be alright."-Jimmy Eat World As I anxiously await the start of my new role at the Chapel Hill Y next week, I keep replaying a line from the movie Hope Floats over and over again in my mind. I’ve honestly never seen the whole movie, but the last scene is the most important part anyway. The line goes, “Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but its what’s in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.” I feel like I don’t need to say any more about it because it describes where I am in my life so perfectly that it needs no further explaining! Talk about hitting the nail on the head. It makes me wonder about the people who appear to be truly happy and how they got there. Are they stuck in the middle? How long does the middle last? Do people ever ...

With having Monday off for Labor Day, today kicks off my work week and I’m trying to go into it with a fresh start.  With a half marathon under my belt from the weekend, I’m feeling super puffy with water weight and I’m trying to not freak out over it . It’s been reassuring to read some forums that other runners have contributed to all feeling the same way as me right now. After reading some posts all saying the same thing that “this” will go away after a couple days, I’ve internally calmed myself down from having a self-loathing/stupid diet inducing/new fitness trend starting crisis. I run every day on top of the classes I teach, and my diet is pretty clean. I know I need to dial down my weekly cheat meal, and I can afford to cut out the homemade Frappuccino’s I have on an almost daily basis. I’m proud of myself for not freaking out and heading for comforts of baggy clothes, instead I’m accepting what it is and not letting it beat me up. It helps to keep reminding myself of the g...